A Song for Dying

The road stretches on for miles, its faded shades of grey blur together with black at the horizon. Darkness stretches up past the top of the windshield. There is a tunnel of pure white light directly ahead, continually moving forward, just out of grasp. The rough gravel of the road extends out like the back of a crocodile, with long wispy wild grass encroaching on either side. Insects glow inside the tunnel. They sweep past the windshield with grace, each a vector of light you can trace from the center of the tunnel. The night runs away. Repelled by the light.

I don’t notice any of this.

There are two things I do notice though: the blue LED’s of my dashboard staring back at me, and the song that is playing on my stereo. It’s a perfect song to die to.

When I was young I was invincible
I found myself not thinking twice
I never thought about no future
It's just a roll of the dice

I open my eyes. Everything is bathed in a sea of red. Nothing is moving. I choke on the dirt and dust in the air. The white light in front of the car flickers. The evergreen trees all point downward, forming a menacing grin. The engine makes dying noises, sputters and clunks. Glass everywhere. Pain everywhere. Time slows down. Silence now. Only the stereo. That song.

So if you please take this moment
Try if you can to make it last
Don't think about no future
And just forget about the past
And make it last

The white tunnel of light keeps moving forward, just ahead, not letting me get any closer. I grip the steering wheel a little tighter. The road continues to stretch out ahead of me. I take a breath. Home is just over this hill.

The next song starts playing. Shit. Not now. Not this song.

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The song in question is Social Distortion's Reach for the Sky. There are lyrics available, as well as a MP3, in case you want to give it a listen. The basic premise of this little story is that when driving, I always imagine a specific moment that I may die. It mostly occurs when I'm driving down rural gravel roads, a prominent feature around my home, and only relates to the song on the stereo.